(Written by Shawn)

A few weeks ago Megan’s mom asked me what some of the things were that I was looking for in a prospective spouse. I’ve kind of had a list in my head all these years, but had never actually written it down before. So I decided to see what I could think of to write down. 🙂

So here is a list of qualities I was looking for in a wife. Now, after reading this I know some people might think, “It’s impossible to find anybody like that on this earth!”

That was what I thought too. So that was one of the reasons I had thought I would probably stay single. I searched for two years to see if I could find anybody that had enough of these qualities that I would be interested, but there was almost nobody who even came close. Most times I could watch someone for a few minutes or browse through their facebook profile for a short time and quickly tell that there were some important things missing. So I had kind of given up finding anybody and figured if there was such a person only God could search the whole globe and find her.

But then God led me to a wonderful young woman named Megan. 🙂 When I first met her a year and a half ago on facebook I could already tell she had a lot of the characteristics that I was looking for. But it wasn’t until later before God led us into a courtship. (There is a link in the menu if you want to read the whole story.)

So as we have gotten to know each other I have been amazed at how Megan has so many of the character qualities I was looking for! 🙂 Somebody was talking about us recently and they said, “It’s like God used the same mold to make both of you.” I think that says it well! 🙂

These are the character traits I’ve been striving to have too, and they are also the ones I was looking for in a wife. I don’t expect to marry somebody this wonderful unless I am striving to be the same way too! Don’t expect God to give you the perfect man or woman unless you yourself are trying to be the perfect man or woman too! Most of us aren’t perfect yet, but a lot of us probably aren’t being as earnest as we could be about it either. Many people say, “I’m trying my best!” But I really wonder if they felt more incentive to improve, if maybe they would suddenly find they could do a lot better. None of us can do anything on our own, but when we surrender our wills to God and choose to obey Him, then we have all the power of Omnipotence to help us do right! So we shouldn’t settle down with being only half as good as we could be.

Anyway, back to the story. 🙂 As I’ve learned more and more of Megan’s character and personality I am just amazed at how perfectly we fit together! People keep telling us we’re like two peas in a pod! 😀 I think it’s because we’ve been studying the same books – the Bible and the books written by Ellen White – and God has used those to transform us to be so much the same. And then our personalities fit together so well too. We’re the same in so many ways! We eat the same, we think the same, we enjoy the same things, etc.

Neither of us are perfect yet. From reading my list below it may seem like I was looking for someone who was perfect. But that’s not necessarily the case, but I was looking for someone who was aiming at perfection, not mediocrity. You only get what you aim for in life!

So I wanted to marry someone who was aiming for perfection and always advancing in that direction. I don’t want to marry someone who is going to stop at the half-way house and settle down there. I want someone who will keep advancing with me onward and upward towards the high calling set before us! 🙂

As people are reading this list I don’t want anybody to feel like, “Oh, I could never measure up to something like that! I could never become that good.”

Megan said that when she first became a Christian she felt that way. She thought it would be really nice to marry a wonderful Godly man who was really kind and strong and stable, but she felt like she was such a mess that no guy like that would ever be interested in her. So she figured she would have to settle for less than what she really wanted because she didn’t think she could ever become the kind of person that such a wonderful Godly guy would be attracted to.
But over the past years she has allowed God to mold and shape her character. She has allowed herself to be placed in that mold (those books I talked about!) and God has transformed her into something wonderful! And now God saw that it was time to bring her just the kind of man she was wishing for!

So neither of us ever thought we would find someone who we matched with so well, but we were praying and letting God control our lives and our futures and now He has led us to each other! And like that one person said, we find it’s like God made us out of the same mold. 🙂

So even though we aren’t perfect and don’t yet have all the following character traits in their perfection, yet we are working towards them! I can see Megan continuing to grow and develop. Even at the point she is at now I can see that she has much more of the character and personality traits I am looking for than any other person I know of. And I can see that she is earnestly working on improving in the areas that still need more improvement. And I am doing the same as well. 🙂

So after that long introduction, here is the list I wrote of what characteristics I was looking for in a wife.

Character traits:

Gentle

Kind

Loving (to me and others around her)

Treats everybody with respect and kindness

Tries to understand people and sympathizes with them instead of condemning them or judging them right away

Has good people skills

Is friendly and willing to talk to strangers

Is kind, but willing to speak up when something is not being done rightly or justly

Cares enough about people to go talk to them when they are in danger, or help them in whatever way she can

Cares for the poor, the downtrodden, the friendless, and even the unpleasant

Speaks kindly and lovingly to me and others

Is even tempered and does not gets easily angry or upset

Is very patient and longsuffering

Doesn’t get offended easily

Doesn’t get hurt feelings easily

Is not proud or boastful

Is not vain or self-focused

Is ready to forgive me when I make mistakes
Is forgiving of others as well

Has self control (which is a gift from God, and is to be under His complete control)

Is not selfish or self centered

Takes care of herself, but is willing to put others first when necessary

Is responsible and carries through with things

Is trustworthy and honest in all things

Not fearful and timid

Strong in faith

Fairly healthy and strong

Balanced in mind and emotions

Totally submitted to God’s will in everything

Believes and knows the Bible very well and practices everything she knows from it faithfully

Believes and knows the writings of Ellen White very well and practices everything she knows from it faithfully

Is very conscientious about following everything she knows that God wants her to do

Does not give in to peer pressure

Is strong to do right even when others are opposing her for doing it – will do what is right though the heavens fall!

Is willing to be different from the ways of society if needed – isn’t strongly controlled or influenced by the ways and customs of society

Believes and keeps the commandments, statutes, and judgment which God said we should meditate on day and night

Very faithfully has daily worship and prayer time

Is solid and stable and doesn’t get blown around by every wind of doctrine that comes along

Believes very strongly in the fundamental beliefs that the Second Advent Movement was based on

Keeps the Seventh-day Sabbath and other holy days

Doesn’t watch TV or movies

Doesn’t read novels, and various other kinds of literature that are detrimental to the Christian walk

Wants to live in the country

Is willing to put up with whatever difficulties there are to living in the country

Is a hard worker and industrious

Is knowledgeable about practical life

Has wisdom about how to live (which comes from the Bible and counsels we’ve been given)

Not wearing makeup, or at least almost none

Not wearing jewelry

Satisfied with being simple in dress and appearance

Dressing nice and simple, and looking nice, but not being absorbed with outward appearance or spending lots of time on it

Not vain and showy

Looks nice, but doesn’t follow fashion or have a lot of desire in that direction

Does not desire fancy things – cars, houses, decorations, clothes

Does not need to have the latest and best, but is satisfied with the simple and not-so-new if necessary

Is good with managing money

Knows how to economize and do the little things that keep bills low and conserve resources

Is most happy to shop at second hand stores

Knows how to reuse things and fix broken things instead of buying new things

Is a little bit handy with fixing things that are broken if I’m not around to fix it

Has an inquiring mind and has a little bit of practical knowledge to tackle some of the things that need to be taken care of in life – like fixing minor things, changing a tire, jump starting a car, resetting house breakers, etc. (Or at least is willing to use her inquiring mind to learn how to do some of these things.)

Has some knowledge of sewing

Has some knowledge of gardening or at least a desire to learn, and a desire to do it

Able to adapt to new situations and circumstances

Being a little adventurous

Willing to take risks for the sake of doing God’s work (but not willing to take risks for no reason)

Willing, if necessary, to live in a mud hut with a dirt floor, in the middle of the jungle, where there could be snakes and spiders and who knows what else!

Willing to give up conveniences and comforts for the sake of doing mission work and ministering to the needs of others.

Willing to get out of her comfort zone whenever needed

Willing to get dirty, exhausted, cold, hungry, etc. if necessary in order to minister to others

Is willing to travel by car, ship, plane, on foot, horseback, bamboo rafts, etc. for extended periods of time if needed, and endure the hardships of doing so

Is able to handle stress, conflict, difficulty, confusion, tumults, etc. and still stay connected to God and keep a clear head in the midst of it.

Is willing to sleep on the floor, a straw mat, a moss bed in the jungle, or whatever may be necessary

Adapts to new people, cultures, and situations readily – or at least is willing to learn how to

Has such a strong desire to do ministry work and help others that none of these things matter, and she won’t refuse to do anything that God asks her to do, despite how difficult it might be

Is completely submitted to God’s will in everything and willing to go and do whatever He wants

Is willing to give up anything and everything (even life itself) if God calls

Is willing to be a martyr for the sake of the gospel if necessary

If she is ever faced with the choice of either giving up her life or giving up her faith in God, she will choose to give up her life! (This all starts with our daily decisions, like how we eat, dress, spend our time, etc. each day. In all those little decisions we are choosing which god we will serve.)

Is a good communicator – somebody I can readily talk to, and listen to, and we can understand each other well

Is willing to talk about whatever needs to be talked about, or whatever we want to talk about

Enjoys doing things that make me happy and feel loved

Is very affectionate in her words and actions
Really shows her love to me, and knows how to cultivate love in the home

Knows the principles of a good marriage and practices them

Really loves me a LOT and shows it in whatever way she can! 🙂

Is honest, transparent, and open with me

Is totally trustworthy – somebody I can trust and rely on

Does not flirt or entertain other guy’s attentions

Is very modest and has that certain womanly reserve around other men

Wears modest dresses that are long enough and not tight or form fitting

Also dresses very tastefully

Keeps her heart very faithfully for me, and is very faithful to our marriage vows

Knows how to practice good conflict resolution if we ever have disagreements

Allows me to be the head of the home, in the Biblical sense, and is happy with that, and wants to support me as I carry that heavy responsibility

Isn’t pushy or trying to control me, or what I do, but is willing to work together in making decisions and plans

Is willing to be submissive in the Biblical sense, but maintain her individuality and personality

Is happy to give me her input and suggestions about decisions that need to be made, and is willing and wise in making decisions herself sometimes if needed

Does not do anything I suggest if it goes against her conscience – maintains her individualtiy before God

Is willing to forgive me when I make mistakes (as we both surely will)

Has the perseverance to work through whatever difficulties we might meet with in our marriage

Has the desire and will to work through any marriage difficulties we might have

Believes that marriage is “till death do us part” and doesn’t consider divorce an option! (unless there is a case of adultery – this is the only Biblical cause for divorce)

Is adaptable and is willing to change and adjust if needed so our personalities and dispositions can mesh as well as possible (and of course I would need to do the same!)

Really has the drive and desire to make marriage work no matter what the difficulties!

Careful about all matters of diet

Believes in eating healthfully

Has a good knowledge of health and natural remedies

Has care and sympathy for the sick and suffering and wants to help them get well

Knows how to cook good, healthy, simple, food

Enjoys eating good, healthy, simple, food

Is good with children (in case we ever have any)

Is willing to not have children if it’s not God’s plan for us

Is very neat and orderly and knows how to keep a house that way

Knows how to keep a house clean and tidy (which I will help with of course 🙂

Is also willing to deal with situations where a house cannot be kept clean and orderly, and will not be driven crazy if the house is a mess or disorganized and we can’t do anything about it at the moment

Knows how to decorate nicely and simply and make a house look inviting

Preferably comes from a pretty good family, hopefully where her father and mother have a good relationship and are still married

It would be great if she was homeschooled and grew up on a farm out in the country. (But this isn’t something I consider a necessity.)
The following are some things I hoped to find because of my personality and tastes, but they are not necessarily the same qualities other people would look for:

Enjoys nature

Enjoys quiet and peace

Enjoys spending quiet time with God out in nature

Enjoys the same soft and soothing music style as I do

Enjoys the simple things of life

Enjoys animals

Not too talkative (like not talking all the time), but not too quiet either

Has a fairly calm personality, but enjoys fun things too

Loves music and singing

Likes to sing as she is working around the house

Maybe plays a musical instrument

Maybe is artistic.

Hopefully likes computers and technology a little and takes some interest in what I am doing

Hopefully enjoys canoeing

Is attractive to me in her outward appearance 🙂

Keeps her hair and clothes nice